After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
did i just pee glitter
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
