so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
