I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
