I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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