If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
