Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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