Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
