I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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