Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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