I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
