I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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