i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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