May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
