We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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