Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
