Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
