come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
