it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
