Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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