You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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