i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
