clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
