You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
