Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
