he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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