I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
