i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
