I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
