found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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