did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
