Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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