spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
