remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
