meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
