Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
