3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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