I'm really into asian looking animals
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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