no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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