no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
