On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
