my phone cant type all the emotion im having
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
