I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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