don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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