He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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