i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
