I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
