perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
