your parents love me but you hate me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
