Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
