a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
