Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
