That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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