I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
