actually, I'm a sock model
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
